Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Am I ok? "Doubting.."

I thought I am fine.

I went to gym, wanted to put aside my struggle and get myself work out.

Yet, 3 people ask me the same question: "Ariel, are you ok?"

With a sweet smile on my face, I answered: " Yeah of cos... what makes you think I'm not ok?"

Same answer again " Because you looked troubled in mind, and pale."

Gosh, it that so obvious? Since when my smiling face replaced with a troubled look without my notice? I don't like this feeling.

I felt defeated. I don't want to be this way. This is not Ariel.

I was wondering, is it I am not good enough that God purposely send someone to judge and question about my faith? God, am I that bad? I knew I wasn't an obedient child all the time. But surely I love you, Lord. The feeling of being judged doesn't taste good.

So if you see me, please don't ask me : "How are you?" I will still politely tell you "I'm fine". But I don't wish to lie because I myself also not sure am I fine at this moment. If you are my best friends, a hug from you is much much appreciated. Or perhaps, a comfort pat on my shoulder will be very warm indeed.

Anyway, Ariel will be fine. I'll try my best to be the cheerful girl again. So do not worry about me. ^_^

When I am really ok, you will see me smiling, hopping around as usual and being naughty and fool on you again. It will be soon, don't worry.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

just to send you a BIG HUGGGGGGGG.....
smile...;)

singing maniac said...

tat ppl really judged u ah?tat ppl so weird.i know u will b fine,mei mei !

Hydrangea said...

haha.. thanks "jie jie"

seems like u r addicted to treat me as mei mei already huh?

ei, jie jie, when wanna treat me ice cream? sure i will feel better oh..

singing maniac said...

haha...it is juz a joke...u know...i dun hv money...

Hydrangea said...

haha..

oh ya... next time i let u know who is the "weird" ppl u mean.. haha..

i guess he must be reading this blog... n sweating now

sing said...

anoher HUG from me! :)